That would be Mr. Maurice's answer and solution to a slew of misdeeds, large and small. Being a nonviolent pig, of course, he does not necessarily mean that this concise plea is to be taken literally. On the other hand, his face does betray tiny hints of enjoyment when he utters that trio of words. One could easily imagine Maurice wielding the rope himself, lassoing the miscreants and tossing the end of the lariat over a tree branch of appropriate height. Or, since he is an urban pig, over a street sign on a crowded downtown street in the culprit’s own city.

Ah, but that's merely a momentary taste of fantasy revenge slipping out. Naturally, as a nonviolent porker, Maurice has no desire to bring an end to any person's – or pig's – mortal existence. Therefore, he posits alternatives, such as tying the offender to a tree so that he or she may be subjected to stern verbal abuse from Mr. Maurice himself, as well as from his cabal of underpigs.

Mr. Maurice is glad to inflict punishment on others, be it a wit-riddled tongue-lashing or more harsh physical exertions. Needless to say, he never deserves the slightest penalty himself, from pig or person.

Shocking as it may appear, however, Mr. Maurice has been known to misbehave. He refers to his antics as "controlled misbehavior," and therefore harmless. Still, the sight of this pink porcine creature dancing around, tossing his hooves high into the air, almost losing his beret as he struts and cavorts before any audience that happens to be present, is oddly disconcerting. To some observers' eyes, it’s downright undignified, if not uncivilized. More on Mr. Maurice’s lapses in dignity in the next chapter.